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Online Marriage Preparation (Pre-Cana) and the Church’s Recent Guidance
Abstract
This article reflects on the relevance of offering marriage preparation in an online format, a practice that is growing in several countries. Recognizing the value of technology for evangelization, the author analyzes its limits in light of the embodied and communal nature of the Christian faith. In light of the document Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life, 2022) and Pope Francis’s exhortation Amoris Laetitia, the article highlights the irreplaceable elements of close accompaniment, the parish dimension, and community life within the preparation process. Finally, it proposes the prudent use of online resources as a complement (never a substitute) for the proximate stage of marriage preparation, avoiding a religious-market logic and fostering the real insertion of couples into their community of faith.
The Value and Limits of Online Evangelization
I frequently receive questions about whether it would be appropriate for parishes, as well as “family” movements, to offer marriage preparation in an online format. In this way, couples could freely choose among different programs with some kind of certification, similar to choosing a university course. In Brazil there are already reports of some programs in this format, while in various countries, especially in the United States, it is a fairly widespread practice. The question then arises: is it worth investing in the expansion of such offerings?
To understand my answer properly, it is first necessary to set out the foundations that have led me to it.
I begin by highlighting the value of technology for evangelization: an undeniable reality. In 2002, on the occasion of the 36th World Communications Day, Saint John Paul II stated that the Internet is the “new forum for proclaiming the Gospel.” The possibilities for evangelization are countless: from disseminating the daily homily to livestreaming papal celebrations, including social networks, WhatsApp groups, online courses, and more. Surely the reader has experienced some of these forms of evangelization. Today there are major, fruitful apostolates that are exclusively digital.
Perhaps the reader even came to the Catholic faith thanks to online content. The first point, then, is that the Internet constitutes a great tool for growth and formation in the Church.
However, even though it is valuable, the web does not solve everything. It is not possible to live the faith fully through screens alone. There is no “online Church” sufficient in itself. The Christian faith is incarnational (cf. Jn 1:14). Digital tools can assist, but they never replace physical presence, community life, and the concrete experience of parish life.
The recent document Toward Full Presence: A Pastoral Reflection on Engagement with Social Media (Dicastery for Communication, 2023) warns along these lines:
“It is important to appreciate the digital world and recognize it as part of our life. It is, however, in the complementarity of digital and physical experiences that a human life and journey are built.” (n. 17). “There is no communication without the truth of an encounter. To communicate is to establish relationships; it is to ‘be with’.” (n. 45)
The most fruitful family-ministry movements are sustained by in-person meetings of groups or cells. Although they also promote online formation, they never forgo small-group gatherings where brotherhood and sisterhood are forged. Beyond the formative moment, the simple sharing of a coffee draws hearts closer. The same document underscores the importance of such spaces:
“One cannot share a meal through a screen. All our senses are engaged when we share a meal: taste and smell, glances that contemplate the faces of the diners, listening to the conversations at table.” (n. 61)
The Ecclesial Nature of Marriage Preparation
Advancing a bit further, let us turn to the specific case of preparation for Marriage. The union of two persons in one flesh is a reality that manifests the union of Christ with the Church, and that manifestation is always bodily, real, and communal. The communal dimension of preparation is not merely a pastoral strategy but a theological dimension. Thus, just as all the sacraments are celebrated within the community, preparation for the Sacrament of Matrimony makes no sense apart from parish life.
Recently, in 2022, the Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life published the Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (CPML), encompassing all the stages of preparation. They begin with the first awakening within the family, proceed through formative activities for individuals and subsequently for couples who are journeying toward Marriage. These couples are offered close accompaniment with formation and support for growing in attraction to ecclesial life, an accompaniment that does not end at the altar but continues through the first years of married life.
So as not to prolong the text further, I will limit myself to commenting on the proximate stage in the catechumenal pathway, which is the couple’s stage of “discernment”:
“The specific goal of this stage is to finalize each couple’s discernment about their vocation to marriage. This may lead to the free, responsible, and deliberated decision to enter into marriage, or it may lead to the equally free and deliberated decision to end the relationship and not to marry.” (n. 55)
In this stage, the couple must review (or become familiar with) the doctrine of the sacraments, the Sacrament of Matrimony with its implications and the commitments proper to the interpersonal relationship, the meaning of sexuality, the correct concept of responsible parenthood, the education of children, and so forth. These topics are explicitly mentioned as the minimum curriculum in the Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (CPML), with particular emphasis on matters of chastity. It is well worth reading and reflecting on.
The Centrality of Accompaniment and Parish Life
My purpose here, however, is to show that there is a minimum curriculum that must be fulfilled, and this could be carried out in various ways—for example, through in-person or online courses (including recorded lessons) with qualified instructors. Nevertheless, the guidance of the Holy See does not stop there: it also tells us that this stage (as well as the others) must include the “couples offering accompaniment, in parishes and family movements” (our emphasis), (CPML 8).
The idea of “accompaniment” leads me to reflect that the verb “accompany” is the keynote of the Church’s approach to apostolate with families. When Amoris Laetitia was published, this already caught my attention and, as someone (also) from the exact sciences, numbers speak to me. I quickly investigated and, in the exhortation, the verb accompany and its conjugations and nominal forms, such as accompaniment, appear 64 times. In addition to the “kerygma,” especially in the family sphere within parish life, it is necessary to be present; it is necessary to accompany.
Using metaphorical language, I believe it is necessary to reduce the use of the smartphone and the conference-room microphone, in order to wear out more shoe leather and spend more time over coffee. But this should be without prejudice to sound doctrinal formation, which is a light for families. My metaphor refers to the method, not the content.
I ran the same search in the CPML and we see that this document presents 89 occurrences of the verb accompany and its derivatives. The focus of the catechumenal pathways for married life is likewise on accompaniment.
For example, it is clear in stating that:
“ ‘Personalized’ experiences should be strengthened in small groups which offer space for listening and preparation – even with engaged couples separately, if necessary – so that couples are carefully guided by accompanying spouses, who can help create an atmosphere of friendship and trust. One possibility could be to meet at an accompanying couple’s house to make engaged couples feel welcome and comfortable.” (CPML 20).
As a fruit of accompaniment, another objective of the proximate stage in the Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (CPML) can be achieved: to foster the life of faith in community.
“Couples shall be helped to approach the life of the Church and take part in it. They may be gently and warmly invited to participate in moments of prayer, such as the Sunday Eucharist, Confession, and retreats, as well as moments of celebration and community. The invitation should be made gradually (according to each couple’s concrete experience), so that they might feel at ease in the various spheres of community life – liturgical, charitable, and festive – without coercion. Couples should be helped to feel like recipients of an ‘undeserved, unconditional, and gratuitous’ mercy, for having received the call and gift of being part of the great family of Christ’s disciples.” (CPML 50).
And to reinforce this dimension even further, later the Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (CPML), referring specifically to the proximate stage, makes it clear that:
“During this period of formation and initiation, the transmission of theoretical content should necessarily be accompanied by the invitation to a spiritual journey, which includes experiences of prayer (personal, communal, and as a couple), celebration of the sacraments, spiritual retreats, moments of Eucharistic Adoration, missionary experiences, and charitable activities (depending on the pastoral context).” (CPML 58)
To make this dimension of proximate preparation viable, there must be friendship or at least a good familiarity between the accompanying married couples and the couples being accompanied (which is different from that between teachers and students), something established over time and through frequent meetings. In addition, the CPML recommends that proximate preparation last approximately one year. In Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis had already noted the fruits that come when the community manages to accompany couples with a good period of anticipation (AL 209).
The CPML also recommends rites of passage between the phases, which should take place in the parish and only make sense if they are carried out together with the team (those accompanying the couples) who have been with them along the way. This would not be possible if their instructors online were miles away.
Moreover, the bond of friendship formed through real, physical proximity during the proximate stage will facilitate the immediate preparation and, above all, the accompaniment “by parish friends” in the first years of married life.
Therefore, I believe it is already clear to the reader that the proximate stage cannot be limited to instruction (which is entirely necessary), but must also include the dimension of community life and initiation (or re-initiation) into Christian life. For this reason, the parish is the irreplaceable place for marriage preparation. I have no doubt that the dimensions of community life are compromised by preparations conducted exclusively online, and therefore I understand that great prudence is required regarding how to incorporate them into the dynamics of the pathways.
The Prudent Use of Online Resources
The risk of online programs is that they foster a religious-market logic, in which the engaged couple chooses a “course” for various reasons instead of integrating into their concrete community of faith.
So, where do online programs fit in? In light of all that has been reflected above, I consider that live or even recorded distance learning can, in certain circumstances, be a legitimate, though not ideal, means.
I feel, however, that it should not be the rule and that it would be possible to use such a tool in a limited way within a parish program to complement the necessary in-person meetings or, in some exceptional situations prudently discerned by the pastor, for example: the contribution of specialists and additional accompaniment for mixed marriages and cases of disparity of cult.
Another exceptional situation could be when the parish does not offer (though it should) the appropriate proximate preparation, or when the couple lives far outside the parish boundaries and therefore it may be advisable to combine online meetings with in-person ones—a hybrid model. The fact remains that the proximate stage should not be fulfilled solely by online classes.
Marriage preparation cannot be reduced to an online course. The proximate stage requires presence, friendship, and community life; therefore, the parish is the irreplaceable place for this journey. Nevertheless, digital resources, used with prudence, can enrich formation and provide support in special situations. What matters is that every couple discovers that they are preparing not only for a wedding but for a vocation lived in the Church and with the Church. Technology, well integrated, can be an ally, provided it leads us to a real encounter with Christ and with the community of faith.
In frequent sessions with a small, steady group of parish members, achieving the objectives of the proximate stage becomes more feasible. In these settings, the transmission of content is integrated into a process of growth in faith and in parish fraternity. If the planned content allows for proper discernment, belonging to the parish community gives couples confidence not only to contract Marriage but also to live the married state to the full.
The Author’s Experience with the Proximate Stage
We cannot, however, expect or assume that all parishes will have experts, for that would render the marriage catechumenate unworkable in most communities around the world. In reality, even in those parishes where specialists provide support to the teams, the foundation remains “the married couples” (CPML 21), that is, couples from the community itself.
What is certain is that all couples in every community need at least a basic contact with doctrine and with the lived questions that are fundamental to the Sacrament of Matrimony.
It was out of the desire to offer a path of accompaniment for couples, with friendship and a fixed point of reference, but also with the content needed for knowledge and discernment, that, ten years ago, the book Matrimony: Preparation Sessions was developed. Through simple group reading (or even just with one catechist couple and one couple preparing for Marriage), the minimum necessary doctrine is presented without requiring specialists.
Created to help our community put the Church’s guidance into practice, the book Matrimony: Preparation Sessions, together with its Support Material (catechist’s book), enables any parish to form its own team for the proximate stage, without the need for specialists. Couples who are living Marriage accompany other couples, in their homes or in parish catechesis rooms, to carry out a series of twelve sessions (weekly or biweekly). Each session is simple and concrete: read one chapter of the book together and discuss it; and during the days that follow until the next session, complete the proposed tasks.
¹ The book Matrimony: Preparation Sessions is used in more than ninety dioceses in Brazil, with over 250,000 couples accompanied in their proximate preparation for Marriage, and it is available in English, Spanish, and Portuguese.
More than the twelve sessions provided for in the book may be held, since it is also possible to study the complementary readings (especially the recommended books) and to include other topics the parish deems important, thereby extending the stage over several months, in harmony with the recommendations of the Holy See. In this way, the book serves as a starting point for the catechist couple to identify aspects that require greater depth and to address them with additional supplementary materials.
The same book and the same structure can be used with couples in a stable union (who are seeking convalidation), offering them the same process of discernment. In all cases, beyond the presentation of doctrine, the other elements necessary for the proximate stage are included: the creation of bonds and friendships that make accompaniment possible, as well as initiatives to awaken faith and to integrate the couples into parish life.
André Luís Parreira
Married and father of eight children.
PhD in Teaching and Dissemination of Science and Master’s in Educational Technology.
Professor and Coordinator of the Postgraduate Program in the Marriage Catechesis at the Catholic University Center of Santa Catarina (Centro Universitário Católica de Santa Catarina), Brazil;
Director of Study and Family Education at the Pius Institute;
Associate member of the Federation for Hispanic Family Pastoral Ministry, USA;
Author of several books, including Matrimony: Preparation Sessions, published in three languages and used in dozens of Brazilian dioceses and in several countries.
Email: alparreira@gmail.com
Facebook, Instagram & YouTube: @alparreira