Before answering, I must stress that this is not a new guideline, but one that has been issued for decades. Indeed, the Church has long taught that the marriage catechumenate (the preparation meetings, also known as “engaged couples’ courses”) is a time for getting to know each other more deeply, for reflection, and for discerning the vocation to Marriage.
And in the most recent Church document, engagement is presented as the conclusion of this stage, not its starting point! In other words, while some parishes still insist that one must be engaged in order to take part in the catechumenate, the correct understanding is that engagement comes at its conclusion.
“At the conclusion of this stage, the Rite of Betrothal could take place as a sign of entry into the subsequent stage of final preparation.” (CPML, 59)
But how can dating couples be drawn to the Marriage Catechumenate?
The answer is simple: by opening the doors and inviting them! It is enough for the parish announcements to include dating couples as well, explaining that this is not a “course” on how to live Marriage well, but rather a catechesis to come to know it more deeply, since the natural aim of every dating relationship is to move toward marriage.
In parish bulletins, personal conversations, and with the collaboration of all ecclesial groups and ministries, dating couples can be encouraged to attend the catechumenate. Naturally, I refer here to mature relationships that are already considering the reality of marriage, that is, what the Church refers to as “candidates for Marriage.” For couples who are still very young or at the beginning of a relationship, other forms of accompaniment are more appropriate (such as dating retreats or personalized guidance), as recommended by the Church in the Intermediate Phase (reception of candidates).
In my parish, one of the messages shared in our digital groups reads as follows, which I offer here as an example:
Are you dating? Are you engaged?
Whether dating or engaged, it is time to learn more about Marriage!
Marriage is a sacrament that fulfills a vocation. It is not merely a custom or a human invention. “God himself is the author of marriage.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1603). As such an important step in the life of a couple, the decision to marry must be the result of a deeply mature discernment.
One of the most important elements for a couple to enter into Marriage well is to prepare well!
To marry in the Catholic Church, couples must go through a preparation or a specific catechesis on Marriage.
In our parish, this marriage catechumenate is offered through the Preparation Sessions for Married Life (PSML).
Who needs to participate in the Preparation for Marriage?
The preparation sessions are intended for all candidates for Marriage — that is, dating couples, engaged couples, and also couples who already live together without the matrimonial bond. It is a preparation intended for the couple as such; therefore, both the man and the woman must participate together throughout the entire process.
How long before the wedding should the couple take part in this catechumenate?
It is not necessary to have a wedding date set. Ideally, the couple should take part in the catechesis even before scheduling the wedding, as this is a time for deepening their understanding and discerning their vocation to Marriage.
For those who have already set a wedding date, there is only one requirement: the preparation sessions must be completed at least six months before the celebration.
This is just a guideline that should be part of a broader effort to transform the mindset of the faithful. We all know that there is a widespread culture of seeking the marriage catechumenate only during the engagement period. However, after some years of persistent effort, among the couples we accompany, a significant percentage is already made up of engaged couples who have not yet set a wedding date, as well as dating couples who have not yet become engaged. This is the Church’s proposal. We must believe in it and do all we can to bring it to fruition.
