Family ministry and other apostolates in support of families can often involve the faithful who are not in a couple. Everyone is invited to collaborate in some way, whether young singles, married people, those who are separated, widows, religious, second-union couples, or anyone else.
However, from a standpoint of common sense, it is reasonable to affirm that, in the context of marriage catechumenate, couples united in Marriage play a fundamental role. While experts in various fields, such as priests, psychologists, and physicians, are important, the guidance offered to couples preparing for Marriage gains considerably when it comes from those who are already living married life. In this way, the orientation encompasses both theory and lived experience in Marriage.
According to the most recent Church document on marriage preparation, Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life (CPML), paragraph 21:
“The team which will guide engaged couples during their journey may be composed of several married couples supported by a priest and other experts in family ministry, as well as religious men and women. It may be possible to include separated people who have remained faithful to the sacrament, so as to offer their constructive witness and vocational experience, while showing the face of a welcoming Church which is fully rooted in reality and stands by everyone. Care should be taken to assign this ministry not to just one person, but rather to several couples, preferably of various ages, and not to assign the same team for too many years, so as to provide an appropriate turnover. Parishes and/or various pastoral groups should collaborate together in order to encourage a variety of programs and the possibility of offering everyone a chance to receive formation.”
The document clearly states that married couples are the foundation of accompaniment, while others participate in a supporting role. Couples are irreplaceable, both because they offer a living witness of the sacrament and because of the different perspectives they bring, as emphasized in paragraph 52 of the document, as well as the possibility of offering differentiated accompaniment according to sex.
“An important element of this stage shall be to deepen understanding about everything related to the relationship of couples and the interpersonal dynamics it entails,
including the “rules” of relationship, its laws of growth,
and the elements that strengthen relationship and those
that weaken it.” (CPML, 52)
The following paragraph adds that “the experience of spouses with several years of marriage behind them can offer a precious contribution” (CPML, 53).
Priests, religious, and specialists serve as ecclesial references and support: they accompany and help form the catechist couples (pastoral agents), and they also serve as consultants or referral points for dating and engaged couples in need of deeper accompaniment. They contribute with a theological and pastoral approach, drawing from their experience in counseling and accompanying couples. Furthermore, specialists offer guidance in more complex matters, such as medical, psychological, or legal issues.
In addition to their formative role, they may also actively participate in the sessions. However, it is important that each group always include, as a reference, at least one couple united in Marriage. The same can be said of widows or those who collaborate without their spouse present. I bear witness that, in my parish group, there is a woman with fifty years of married life who offers profound reflections and remarkable availability, joining the marriage catechumenate groups alongside other couples, although her husband does not take part in this apostolate.
Specialists may also offer more specific formation opportunities, such as lectures throughout the year, both for catechists and for engaged and dating couples. They may also contribute to retreats, moments of prayer, and similar initiatives.
One noteworthy point highlighted in the document is the possibility of collaboration by separated people “who have remained faithful to the sacrament.” Thus, those who, for various reasons, experience separation (such as impossibility of living together, violence, abandonment, etc.) but still recognize their sacramental bond and therefore have not entered into a new union may also contribute, even by witnessing and offering exhortations based on their lived experience.
Although the document does not mention it explicitly, the participation of widowed individuals may also be considered. Having experienced Marriage and now being in a regular situation, they can offer an important contribution on an aspect that must not be overlooked: the process of losing a spouse and living with that reality.In summary, my interpretation of the document leads me to conclude that, in every marriage catechumenate group, it is essential to have a married couple as the primary point of reference — and, with due prudence, to have their work supported by other members of the community.
